Denigration of own manifestation!!!

Her countenance on ‘my proposal’ made me really happy. I was expecting this because she was very positive from the day 1 of our meeting. Of course, my craven fear of her rejection made me shy in first few days though. I never forget that my doer and dream very often squeeze like a cabbage on my own credulous nature. Spilling oddness of life for the sake of purgation and purification of mind as in Greek tragedy should not make me accountable. I know I can’t be culpable for anything of such nature which is done intentionally to nourish positive vibration. Yes, absolutely for positive vibration! Let’s think I deserve blame on her eyes, what would be the punishment? Just be away from her, right? My shattered hopes will be pushed further away and I will place mattress and foam of love around my heart to damp her echo of distant past. Her daunting compassionate of getting wrapped around me by mid January afternoon at State park is overwhelming and impossible. Only because, I need now! I might not need later one, who knows? Please don’t get me wrong though. My love is not postmodern nature of love where all formulas are applied and nothing is due in connection and turning off the switch of love! I may not be actually end up only on reality as I am not dearth of anything whatsoever, and I can’t fall down mid-way through in a complete debacle. Of course, debacle without hope and imagination that was bestowed even in my blunder and failure must be far away for my own decorum and dignity! I can’t take offence of her any action. Also, I can’t further excuse her pinky fingers that did not only feel my superficiality but passed through my secondary imagination from couch to coffee house. I can’t demur does not mean I am left without feeling! Yes, it is denigration of own manifestation of love! All I can say:

Numerous bits of apology
excerbarated fears in isolation
dry and brittle faded album memory
surely pound and combine me
Your generation will behold your saga summary!
Yes, they will through your disaphonous eyes
In derivative of romance towers of ivory
Swings and disapper in horizon
Your efforts of all life long desultory
that pummel myself and each attic lover!