A Shadow on a Wounded Flower
HB Bhandari Prabhat
It is a sunny day, a very lovely day after a long storm and bitter wind. The entire village is busy at the harvesting from dawn to dusk. The villagers, therefore, have no time to stand and stare on anything except their routine work at the crop field. The shepherd known as ‘Neelam’ is the one who leaves home everyday to Savanna forest regardless of seasons. The flush of his youth triggers a sense of gloominess all day everyday. The happiness left him permanently from the first day he lost his parents. At that time, he was just ten year old. He looks around, steps back and closes his eyes to remember the bygone days. In any moment of unbearable perseverance and agony, he imagines his mother’s affection, care, and nourishment. Similarly, he visualizes his father’s sweating face on worn out clothes to face every other hardship. His gloomy days, in the supplicant air in the lonely forest, reflect fragmented hope. He is among a few with no choice in his entire village. Each day, nervous feelings hover around his body like a wet blanket. Neelam does not have a single fantasy to be driven with even in misery. He stares far to the horizon and imagines himself disappearing in patches of cloud. The gusto of wind entwines and makes him vulnerable in every single thought. He often presses his abdomen hard when he is ravenous. It is not always feasible to cross five miles on foot to reach to Lamage brook to quench his thirst. So, he remains thirsty the whole day long in such blistering summer days too.
Across his hamlet, lives a retired army Captain in his 60s who is a life time drinker. He litters empty vodka bottles on the roadside. Neelam has thirty-five of those bottles. He plans to sell those empty bottles to Indian garbage collector before the end of January. He hurls his hand’s sticks in an excitement and says,” I will have 35 cents until this year’s Teej Festival and can buy a beautiful toy for my daughter”. “All I need is somebody’s help to deal with an exceptionally tough Indian guy,” he says out loud. Once, Neelam had been to Bombay in search of a job. He can hardly forget the unbearable anguish of street hooligans in the Madvari restaurant where he worked as a dishwasher for a year. In spite of his hard work, he was not paid a single penny. As he continued sleeping on the wet hotel hallway, the malaria caught him; and he did not get any support from his employer. The hotel manager forced him to leave his hotel. He returned to Nepal when a Nepali business owner across the street found Neelam sleeping on a road.
With a rising sense of horror, at this point he visualizes the Bombay’s torture and stumbles. In the midst of thought, he looks around but notices no sheep yet “It’s late. I am cold and tired. I may die tonight, what … when… how can I go home”, he screams out loud. Every tree in the forest looks ghostly and strange to him now. Apart from trembling in fear, Neelam breaths deep and stands silent for couple of seconds. In a minute, his surroundings rotate in his eyes; he observes everything green and ultimately kneels down on the grassy ground. ‘What tragedy has befallen on me?’ “Where are my sheep, my owner will bit me up again? Oh my mum please, save me from this dark and dreadful night ’, he utters and chokes continuously. He wants to meet his only daughter and deaf wife this time. None except nearby trees are witness and feel his melancholy in that symbolic, cruel and bizarre landscape and time. After a moment of silence, Neelam nods. In the meantime, several thoughts begin to rotate in his mind, but he controls himself. Finally, he gets up and looks around. Slowly and gradually, he moves to the dense forest in search of his lost cattle. After frowning at the sky, he keeps on moving. ‘I am going to find my sheep anyway’, he affirms.
Now truly, he can see the stark difference between his life and that of his contemporaries, who went to school and got college degree. Lacking in balanced and prudent way of thinking, he keeps on moving. After a long walk, he reaches to a dense forest. He stops and gives a second thought of going forward. Immediately, he steps back. Suddenly, he hears a stranger’s thundering voice and notices light on the nearby shadow of the pine tree. All of sudden, the light disappears. “I don’t like to think of the anguish and fear anymore”, he murmurs. However, his fear has turned his face glow, and the memory of evil spirit in the dark night leaves him barren and weird. He is alone on a wide dense forest, and the unseen monsters of his mind wait. The boy has learnt not to cry out loud, not to weep, but still has a fear. Repeatedly, he keeps his beady eyes on the bushes nearby, to make sure that he is safe. He makes up his mind to disappear from the village for couple of days letting his family know the fear of his boss.
The next day, he comes at a nude hill in search of the goats. He howls out loud with the name of each goat. Suddenly, he falls asleep on a nearby rock. An edge of the same rock serves him like a soft pillow. All of sudden, a group of people appear lighting the corn stark. Immediately, some of them charge bullet like heavy blow to Neelam. Rest of them punch in his face mercilessly and leave him bruised. Meanwhile the captain of the gang, Bikram screams in rage carrying weapon out of his holster, ‘Beach Neelam; your dead body will appear as carcass on the bank of this brook by tomorrow. Gentleman take note: it’s inexcusable to let you go unpunished. This is my attempt to put an end to long waited story??? Shhhhh!! Steering to his face and turning his back to Neelam, he murmurs ‘Shepherd you lived like a hog and will die like a lamb. It is not more than the consequence of your deliberate choice in attempting to become a social worker that exceeds your capacity. Your tragedy is the product of your own desire to become too ambitious, lively and engrossing. “Why. why and why you let Mukhiya know about my illicit relationship with his daughter-in-law” they yell at him in a single voice and leave the scene.
Neelam responds to himself like an injured pigeon, “In defense, I just have one option left- death in physical and psychic wounds.” Man can do nothing except accepting it. I am embedded to suffering and keep on getting it. My entire story must be larger than death. It’s about unjust system and the need for change and open-mindedness that really change the society. Every event has its own cause, certainly yes, he cries out on the same rock against the rule of nature until his last breath. HE could neither meet his family nor purchase a toy to his beautiful daughter in Teej Festival, nor pass his long banner of hope. Unfortunately, the meaning and metaphor of his struggle and the most searing moments have been, and will remain, a part of gloomy picture on the canvass of Lamage Brook and on his unwritten personal portfolio just like a shadow on a wounded flower.
HB Bhandari Prabhat
It is a sunny day, a very lovely day after a long storm and bitter wind. The entire village is busy at the harvesting from dawn to dusk. The villagers, therefore, have no time to stand and stare on anything except their routine work at the crop field. The shepherd known as ‘Neelam’ is the one who leaves home everyday to Savanna forest regardless of seasons. The flush of his youth triggers a sense of gloominess all day everyday. The happiness left him permanently from the first day he lost his parents. At that time, he was just ten year old. He looks around, steps back and closes his eyes to remember the bygone days. In any moment of unbearable perseverance and agony, he imagines his mother’s affection, care, and nourishment. Similarly, he visualizes his father’s sweating face on worn out clothes to face every other hardship. His gloomy days, in the supplicant air in the lonely forest, reflect fragmented hope. He is among a few with no choice in his entire village. Each day, nervous feelings hover around his body like a wet blanket. Neelam does not have a single fantasy to be driven with even in misery. He stares far to the horizon and imagines himself disappearing in patches of cloud. The gusto of wind entwines and makes him vulnerable in every single thought. He often presses his abdomen hard when he is ravenous. It is not always feasible to cross five miles on foot to reach to Lamage brook to quench his thirst. So, he remains thirsty the whole day long in such blistering summer days too.
Across his hamlet, lives a retired army Captain in his 60s who is a life time drinker. He litters empty vodka bottles on the roadside. Neelam has thirty-five of those bottles. He plans to sell those empty bottles to Indian garbage collector before the end of January. He hurls his hand’s sticks in an excitement and says,” I will have 35 cents until this year’s Teej Festival and can buy a beautiful toy for my daughter”. “All I need is somebody’s help to deal with an exceptionally tough Indian guy,” he says out loud. Once, Neelam had been to Bombay in search of a job. He can hardly forget the unbearable anguish of street hooligans in the Madvari restaurant where he worked as a dishwasher for a year. In spite of his hard work, he was not paid a single penny. As he continued sleeping on the wet hotel hallway, the malaria caught him; and he did not get any support from his employer. The hotel manager forced him to leave his hotel. He returned to Nepal when a Nepali business owner across the street found Neelam sleeping on a road.
With a rising sense of horror, at this point he visualizes the Bombay’s torture and stumbles. In the midst of thought, he looks around but notices no sheep yet “It’s late. I am cold and tired. I may die tonight, what … when… how can I go home”, he screams out loud. Every tree in the forest looks ghostly and strange to him now. Apart from trembling in fear, Neelam breaths deep and stands silent for couple of seconds. In a minute, his surroundings rotate in his eyes; he observes everything green and ultimately kneels down on the grassy ground. ‘What tragedy has befallen on me?’ “Where are my sheep, my owner will bit me up again? Oh my mum please, save me from this dark and dreadful night ’, he utters and chokes continuously. He wants to meet his only daughter and deaf wife this time. None except nearby trees are witness and feel his melancholy in that symbolic, cruel and bizarre landscape and time. After a moment of silence, Neelam nods. In the meantime, several thoughts begin to rotate in his mind, but he controls himself. Finally, he gets up and looks around. Slowly and gradually, he moves to the dense forest in search of his lost cattle. After frowning at the sky, he keeps on moving. ‘I am going to find my sheep anyway’, he affirms.
Now truly, he can see the stark difference between his life and that of his contemporaries, who went to school and got college degree. Lacking in balanced and prudent way of thinking, he keeps on moving. After a long walk, he reaches to a dense forest. He stops and gives a second thought of going forward. Immediately, he steps back. Suddenly, he hears a stranger’s thundering voice and notices light on the nearby shadow of the pine tree. All of sudden, the light disappears. “I don’t like to think of the anguish and fear anymore”, he murmurs. However, his fear has turned his face glow, and the memory of evil spirit in the dark night leaves him barren and weird. He is alone on a wide dense forest, and the unseen monsters of his mind wait. The boy has learnt not to cry out loud, not to weep, but still has a fear. Repeatedly, he keeps his beady eyes on the bushes nearby, to make sure that he is safe. He makes up his mind to disappear from the village for couple of days letting his family know the fear of his boss.
The next day, he comes at a nude hill in search of the goats. He howls out loud with the name of each goat. Suddenly, he falls asleep on a nearby rock. An edge of the same rock serves him like a soft pillow. All of sudden, a group of people appear lighting the corn stark. Immediately, some of them charge bullet like heavy blow to Neelam. Rest of them punch in his face mercilessly and leave him bruised. Meanwhile the captain of the gang, Bikram screams in rage carrying weapon out of his holster, ‘Beach Neelam; your dead body will appear as carcass on the bank of this brook by tomorrow. Gentleman take note: it’s inexcusable to let you go unpunished. This is my attempt to put an end to long waited story??? Shhhhh!! Steering to his face and turning his back to Neelam, he murmurs ‘Shepherd you lived like a hog and will die like a lamb. It is not more than the consequence of your deliberate choice in attempting to become a social worker that exceeds your capacity. Your tragedy is the product of your own desire to become too ambitious, lively and engrossing. “Why. why and why you let Mukhiya know about my illicit relationship with his daughter-in-law” they yell at him in a single voice and leave the scene.
Neelam responds to himself like an injured pigeon, “In defense, I just have one option left- death in physical and psychic wounds.” Man can do nothing except accepting it. I am embedded to suffering and keep on getting it. My entire story must be larger than death. It’s about unjust system and the need for change and open-mindedness that really change the society. Every event has its own cause, certainly yes, he cries out on the same rock against the rule of nature until his last breath. HE could neither meet his family nor purchase a toy to his beautiful daughter in Teej Festival, nor pass his long banner of hope. Unfortunately, the meaning and metaphor of his struggle and the most searing moments have been, and will remain, a part of gloomy picture on the canvass of Lamage Brook and on his unwritten personal portfolio just like a shadow on a wounded flower.
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